A new comedy based on the true story of the 1671 failed attempt to steal the famous Crown Jewels from the Tower of London seems like a tremendous idea. Add a well-known, BAFTA winning comic writer, a scattering of famous names plus a West End run before a UK Tour and it sounds like the perfect ingredients for a winning recipe. Unfortunately, looks can be deceiving. 

The story follows Charles II (Al Murray) as he readies himself for his grand coronation but, unfortunately for him, Colonel Blood (Aidan McArdle) is gathering a trio of thieves to try to steal the Crown Jewels. They don’t quite manage it and calamity ensues – in more ways than one…

Simon Nye, known mainly for his television scripts such as famous sitcom ‘Men Behaving Badly’, writes the play which is sadly so confusing, it’s extremely hard to follow. Add to that the peculiar idea of the cast multi-roling throughout and you’re left scratching your head trying to keep up for most of the long two hours. The cast barely even change their accents or appearance when they alter characters – a strange directorial choice by Sean Foley, who should know better with his wealth of credits and awards.

It’s inexcusable that lines cannot be heard with dire diction and pitiful pronunciation. Al Murray in his West End acting debut, does as well as he can in a tiresome production but the inclusion of ten minutes of his stand-up shoehorned into the first half is mystifying and so very odd. Neil Morrisey, reunited with Nye again from his Men Behaving Badly days, shouts his way through the whole piece and Joe Thomas, of Inbetweeners fame, is shockingly weak throughout. Mel Giedroyc is one of the brighter performers who works hard with a charming showing but it’s the more unknown actors such as Tanvi Virmani and Adonis Siddique who bring the most joy and warmth to the production. Virmani shines as bright as the Crown Jewels themselves in the purposely over-acted role of Jenny Blaine with perfect comic timing & delivery. Siddique’s ‘Footman’ also gets most of the laughs with his over-the-top facial expressions pitched perfectly, especially glorious during the slick scene changes.

Due to Carrie Hope-Fletcher’s absence on this particular performance, Dedun Omole strongly deputised in her role of Elizabeth Edwards but perhaps she cannot sing as Kieran Brown strangely took on her songs. Another odd choice to add to the rest. Omole did then curiously speak her way through one of the musical numbers – it was all so very weird.

It’s a pantomimic piece which breaks the forth wall throughout. The cast regularly interact with audience members and Murray freakishly flirts with any females he can find. But no matter how many celebrity names you throw at a production, if the writing and direction is weak, they simply cannot save it.

Overall, the jokes are such obvious gimmicks that you can see and feel them coming a mile off. The laughs are few and far between and you’re left feeling sorry for the actors in a bland and basic production which lacks any sort of pace or adrenaline. Perhaps Andy Graham’s sound design is intentionally ramped up to almost deafening for the final song in a bid to wake up any of the dozing audience.

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